


Odds of Even

by Twyd



Category: Durarara!!
Genre: Angst, Anxiety, Bucket List, Chases, Death Threats, Developing Relationship, Enemies to Lovers, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Friendship, M/M, Mental Health Issues, One-Sided Attraction, Organized Crime, Restaurants, Rough Kissing, Rough Sex, Semi-Public Sex, Slash, Smut, Vomiting, Yakuza, Yaoi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-29
Updated: 2017-10-29
Packaged: 2019-01-25 16:03:57
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,247
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12535668
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Twyd/pseuds/Twyd
Summary: When Izaya receives a death threat from the Yakuza, his bucket list is short and sweet.





	Odds of Even

**Author's Note:**

> Angst with a capital A, just sayin'.

This is a threat, not a rumour. From _Shiki_. And Shiki didn’t fuck about.

But he doesn’t panic. Izaya never panics. He considers leaving town, but this would somehow be more of an insult than actually getting killed. He thinks of negotiating, but he doesn’t know how to approach Shiki in a way that doesn’t look like he's grovelling. Especially if it does turn out to be a rumour after all.

Who is he kidding? This is it. He should have known he could only get away with so much. What happened with little Akane had probably been the final straw.

Izaya thinks some more. If these were his last few days alive, what would he want to do? This at least is obvious. He wants Shizuo. That's all he wants in the world.

Izaya had never been able to get close to Shizuo: he could only avoid death by coming as close as he dared and then running. 

_Not anymore_ , he thinks, not if he’s about to die anyway. Shizuo deserves the opportunity to kill him more than Shiki.

Izaya smiles to himself. It may not be a solution, but at least it's a plan.

-

He waits for Shizuo after work. It’s a warm night, the moon is shining, and it’s perfect.

Waits until Shizuo and Tom have parted ways, because sometimes Tom could talk him out of his rages.

When Shizuo's alone, Izaya steps out of the shadows with a smile on his face.

“Hi, Shizu-chan.”

Shizuo looks up and frowns. He’d been about to light a cigarette.

“What are you doing in Ikebukuro, louse?”

“Hm, I don’t know. I was thinking I could hire someone to take you out again. Or...I might just get Russia Sushi. I haven’t decided yet.”

He’s laying it on a bit thick, but it does the job: he can already see Shizuo’s fingers starting to twitch.

“Leave me alone, flea.”

“Is that it? Really?” He starts to back away as he talks, seeing Shizuo is close. “What is it, are you tired? Have you destroyed too many things today? I hope at least you haven’t made any children cry this time.”

That does it. He takes off as Shizuo pounds after him.

He’s going too fast for Shizuo to stop and throw anything, but not fast enough to actually outrun him. He leads Shizuo into a deserted part of town, up a fire-escape they’d used in their chases plenty of times before and waits, heart wild with excitement. 

He barely waits for Shizuo to straighten once he climbs up, wanting to get him while the protozoan's adrenalin’s still in full flow, while he’s not thinking. He throws his full bodyweight on Shizuo to slam him into the ground and kisses him.

“What - what the fuck are you doing?”

Izaya kisses him harder, ignoring how Shizuo’s hands tighten within breaking range around his wrists. He doesn't care if Shizuo kills him or not.

“Izaya,” Shizuo says, giving him a rough shake. “Get off me.”

Izaya wets his lips.

“No.”

He can feel a stirring in Shizuo’s pants and presses his weight into it, half grinning, relishing his own depravity. 

“I mean it,” Shizuo snarls. “Get off me or I’m going to kill you.”

“That’s OK,” Izaya says in a rush. He keeps talking in between kisses. “You can kill me if you want to.”

“It’s not a fucking euphemism. I really mean it.”

“I know. It’s OK.”

“Izaya…”

Izaya tenses at this final growl, knowing that this is it, Shizuo is either going to go along with this or kill him.

He sits up and slams Izaya back into the wall, hard enough to almost knock him out.

Izaya is still getting his bearings when Shizuo’s hands press on his shoulders to keep him there, and he begins to kiss him back.

-

When Izaya survives the night, he pesters Shizuo again and again for more. He can't help himself.

They go to Shizuo’s tiny, one-room apartment one night, and he’s straddling Shizuo on his crappy futon, naked, trying to convince him not to wear a condom. Neither of them has a womb, and life is too short to be careful. He wants to feel everything.

Shizuo’s hasty with the lube, too hasty overall really, but he doesn’t seem to notice. Izaya wonders if he’s had sex with men before. Maybe he just doesn’t care. 

He's half out the door when Shizuo speaks again.

“Happy birthday, Izaya-kun.”

“Aw, you remembered. You’re so sweet, Shizu-chan.”

-

He gets a call the next day. Everything inside him goes quiet when he sees who it’s from.

“Shiki.”

“Izaya,” the other man greets. “I’d like to take you out to dinner tonight. I’ll pick you up at eight.”

He is silent, struggling to process what this could mean.

“Don’t worry,” Shiki chuckles. “It’s just to have a chat. I think you’ll like the place. They do very nice seafood.”

-

They’re in an expensive restaurant that overlooks the city, one that most people have to book months in advance, and dip into their life savings to pay for. He and Shiki are seated near a huge lobster tank. Everyone now and then someone will wander over with their waiter and pick one to be taken out back and boiled alive. Izaya feels a little sick looking at them.

Shiki orders the steak. He naturally has it so rare that it is practically still bleeding. Izaya opts for the salmon over the fatty tuna, not wanting want to ruin his favourite dish for himself, even if he won't be having many dishes for much longer.

Even though he expects death, he'd put himself in the arms of a monster for this very reason, a tiny part of him still hopes he can get out of it.

“Have you ever thought about leaving town, Izaya?” Shiki says mildly, after they’re done with fake pleasantries.

Izaya has to struggle to swallow a mouthful of salmon. It is far too rich.

“Is that a bribe?” he jokes.

“Why would I bribe you when I can simply get rid of you?”

Shiki continues to eat as if they are discussing the weather.

“Aside from all the obvious trouble you’ve caused me, have you realised how much of a problem you’ve made out of Heiwajima as well?”

Izaya almost chokes at the mention of Shizuo.

“What do you mean?”

“All the fighting, all the chasing, has made him stronger than he ever would have been if you'd just left him alone. He may lose his temper, but he generally doesn’t like to fight. He doesn’t chase people for fun or leap across buildings.” He looks at Izaya calmly. “If it weren’t for you, Heiwajima would not have the stamina and the reflexes he has now, and would be relatively easier to take care of.”

Izaya doesn’t know what to say.

“If you don’t want to leave town, and you don’t want me to follow through with my warning, then I want you to take care of Heiwajima. Lord knows, you’ve had more practice than any of us.”

Izaya stares at him. Behind Shiki, a couple walk past to pick out their lobsters.

“But no-one can kill Shizuo,” he hears himself saying. "I've been trying for years."

“Perhaps you can try harder,” Shiki says mildly. “You have one week.”

Izaya puts down his chopsticks, unable to finish.

Shiki shuns the dessert menus and pays.

He doesn't speak again until they are in the limousine.

“How are your sisters?”

Izaya stares at him, dangerously close to hurling his dinner all over the man’s shoes.

“I didn’t mean it like that.” Shiki rolls his eyes. “I was just making conversation. “But I’m glad they mean something to you. You may have some redeeming qualities after all.”

They spend the rest of the ride in silence.

“I’m sorry it’s come to this, Izaya,” Shiki says, as the limousine draws to a stop outside his building. “I’ve always liked you, but I've let a lot of things slide. Something had to give.”

Izaya says nothing. He knows he's blown his chance to save himself, but it's as if there are bones in his throat, keeping him quiet no matter how hard he chokes.

In his apartment, he goes straight to the bathroom and heaves up his dinner. The salmon is the same colour as it was on his plate, undigested, and he hurls up whatever is left in him when he sees it.

-

He needs to think about this strategically. No more excuses or procrastination. He needs to think about either leaving town or coming up with some sort of plan. 

In reality, he does neither and goes back to Shizuo.

-

He had always had a lot of respect for Shizuo’s anger, despite everything he's had to say on the subject in the past. Anger could be productive. Anger showed self respect. For Izaya, when things go wrong, he just gets apathetic.

“Why are you so tense?” Shizuo grumbles as he moves inside him.

Izaya keeps his eyes closed, lost in some secret part of himself, revelling in the pain and in his own heartbeat.

Shizuo starts to shake and buries his face in Izaya's hair as he comes, unable to wait.

“...Sorry," he breathes.

Izaya mumbles something vague in reply.

Not one for being completely selfish, Shizuo starts palming Izaya's dick. Izaya almost wants to tell him to forget it, but Shizuo will probably get prickly and he can’t be bothered dealing with all that. He lies beneath Shizuo passively, wondering why he thought all this would make him feel better. The thrill had worn off very quickly.

When he doesn't get much of a reaction, Shizuo slides down Izaya's body and takes the head of Izaya's cock in his mouth.

Izaya gives a jolt in surprise, a little come escaping into Shizuo's mouth. Shizuo presses his tongue into his slit as if in encouragement, as he starts to slide his hand up and down the base of Izaya's cock, working him just so.

"Shizuo- "

He comes like he’s been shocked, arching upwards and spasming, his hands turning to fists in Shizuo's hair. Shizuo holds him through it, not moving off him until he's weakened and panting, too out of it to move.

“You better be gone by the time I wake up, flea."

-

Izaya wakes up in the middle of the night and fantasises about killing Shizuo in his sleep. This is the opportune time to do it, his knives at hand, Shizuo in a heavy, post-sex sleep. There would be evidence, obviously, with his semen on the bed and on Shizuo’s body, but money could take care of that.

He turns over to face Shizuo in the dark, and thinks about it some more. 

Instead, he starts pulling his clothes together and gets out of bed.

The movement and the loss of warmth disturbs Shizuo, and he catches Izaya's arm.

“Where are you going?” he mumbles.

“I’m leaving, Shizu-chan. Before you wake up, remember?” Izaya says tightly.

“Not now. It’s still dark, for Christ’s sake.”

“Well do you want to give me the time you want me out exactly? Maybe with 30 seconds leeway so I can get dressed?”

“Shut up,” Shizuo says, not loosening his grip. He drags Izaya back into bed and keeps him there with his body. “Stupid flea.”

-

Izaya is in an equally foul mood in the morning, painfully aware of his own weaknesses. That he has failed, and that he's not going to act on the one chance Shiki has given him.

“Someone wants to kill you,” he tells Shizuo, as soon as he starts to stir.

"What?" Shizuo sits up frowning, clearly not remembering his change of heart. “Why are you still here?” 

“Did you hear what I said?”

“Yeah. Someone wants to kill me. Why are you just telling me now?”

“I thought it might kill the mood a bit last night.”

"Shut up," Shizuo growls, not seeing the funny side of this. “Who wants to kill me?”

“I can’t say. I’m just warning you.”

Shizuo looks at him, his eyes slightly dreamy, slightly terrifying without the sunglasses.

"Why bother telling me if you can't even tell me who it is?"

Izaya shrugs and starts pulling on his clothes.

Shizuo reaches over him for a cigarette, unperturbed.  "All I do outside my job these days is fight you." He doesn’t mention that they’d sort of given up fighting for screwing. "And I don’t see why that would bother anyone.”

He makes a good point. Izaya wonders if Shiki actually does want Shizuo dead, or if it's just a convenient way for Izaya to get himself killed. **  
**

-

He calls Shiki when he gets home. He knows he should buy himself some time instead, but perhaps standing up to Shiki would help get his respect back. 

“I won’t do it.”

“You won’t?” the other man says, surprise evident in his voice. “That’s a terrible shame, Izaya.”

-

Another day passes, and then another, and another, and Izaya is still not dead. He has given Namie an ad-hoc vacation, but no-one has been round, no-one has stalked him in the streets. Nothing out of the ordinary has happened at all, in fact. Perhaps Shiki is giving him the full week anyway in case he changes his mind about Shizuo. Or perhaps Shiki wants to drive him crazy enough with anxiety to kill himself.

He goes to Ikebukuro that night for something to do. His stomach is still queasy when it comes to solids, as his last proper meal had involved choking down salmon while he tried to negotiate his death. He’d struggled to eat fish or anything that had once been alive since.

So he buys himself a smoothie made from bitter melon and people-watches. Before he's barely taken a sip, he spots Tom across the street and stiffens. He appeared to be alone, but you never know.

A pair of arms wrap around him then, an amused voice in his ear.

“Why are you staring at Tom?”

Izaya almost spills his drink with shock, but Shizuo’s hand is around his own, steadying it.

"Shizu-chan," he says, calming down. He leans back into Shizuo's arms cautiously.

Shizuo nuzzles his hair.

“Is that a smoothie?”

“You won’t like it,” Izaya says, letting him try a sip.

“Urgh,” Shizuo says, handing it back. “It's good to see you, Izaya-kun. Have you been avoiding me? You're ignoring my calls."

“I’ve been sick.”

This is technically true. He had thrown up a few days back, after all.

"In what way? Is that why you're not eating?"

Izaya's lips quirk.

"Why the sudden concern, Shizu-chan? Are you worried I have some terminal illness? Maybe you should have kept those condoms on after all.”

"Shut up," Shizuo says, but it's surprisingly mellow. "Do you want to come over?”

Izaya looks down at the arms encircling him, tempted.

“I’m kind of tired, Shizu-chan.”

“Not for that. Just come over anyway.”

Izaya steps out of his arms to turn around and stare at him.

“What?” Shizuo says.

“You’re very hot and cold, Shizu-chan. Last time you said you’d kill me if I was still there when you woke up.”

“Obviously, I didn’t mean that,” Shizuo says, but he looks uncomfortable. “Look, I'm sorry about that. It just felt like you were hiding something from me, like it was some big scheme or something, but," he shrugs. "Maybe I'm paranoid. You should keep coming over. If you want to."

Izaya bites his lip. This is quite a change in tone from their usual mindless, animal sex. He didn't know Shizuo had it in him.

-

He had wondered what they would manage to say and do with each other if they're not having sex, but he needn't have worried: he falls asleep when Shizuo is in the shower and doesn't stir until morning. He tries and fails to think about killing Shizuo again. He still somehow doesn't feel rested. 

He makes it to the kitchen table, hoping the smell of food will revive him, but instead gets the light-headed, spaced out feeling he’s getting used to where his heart skitters and he grows hot for no reason, a distant ringing in his ears. He hopes he’s not about to faint.

"Are you all right?"

Shizuo actually covers Izaya's hand with his own. Izaya stares at it until his vision clears.

“...Fine. Can I have an apple?”

“Sure.” Shizuo pushes the fruitbowl towards him when he doesn’t move. "You can have more than that. Have some eggs."

“I'm fine. My blood sugar's just low," Izaya mutters, avoiding his eyes.

Shizuo doesn't respond. After a moment he takes his hand back.

"I know you haven't  been enjoying it lately.”

It takes Izaya a moment to realise what he means, and it rattles him even more **.**

“Oh, come on, don't complain. I get it up, I get off, I get you off. Everybody’s happy.”

“You don’t seem very happy." Shizuo pauses. “Are you in some kind of trouble?”

Izaya has to try very hard to keep his face a passive mask. He forgets that under Shizuo’s bluster he is almost as sharp as he is.

“Why would you think that?”

“I don’t know. You’ve been acting weird lately. And it would explain why you’re spending most of your nights here, if you needed some kind of protection.”

This for some reason makes him furious.

“Do you think I’m stupid, Shizuo? You wouldn’t protect me if you’re life depended on it.”

He slams out and leaves him there.

In that moment, Izaya almost hates him, hates him with a ferocity that almost scares himself. Part of him recognises that it’s just the strain, the lack of food and sleep, but it doesn’t make the feeling any less powerful.

As he stalks away, he wonders if Shizuo will smash up the place himself, but in reality knows that he probably just sit there and maybe feel a little sad. Izaya experiences a twinge of guilt.

He’s getting dizzy again. He should have taken a stupid apple for the road.

He staggers to the nearest wall away, from the crowd, trying to will himself out of it.

“Izaya?”

It takes him a moment to recognise the blurred face in front of him. Erika.

“What’s wrong with him?” And that guy she hangs around with. Walker. The name comes to him as he feels his legs give out beneath him, and he feels someone supporting him.

“He’s fainting. Kadota, Kadota! Come here!”

“I’m not fainting,” Izaya mumbles, but he’s not coherent enough to stop them from bundling him into their van and getting him a glass of water.

“Are you OK?” Kadota says, peering at him. “Here, let me turn up the AC. It is pretty hot today.”

Izaya stares back at their concerned faces.

“Why are you helping me?”

They look confused, like had never occurred to them not to help him.

“Maybe it’s flu,” Walker suggests, as Erika feels his forehead. “There’s something going round.”

“Mm,” Izaya says. “Thank you. I'm all right now. I think I'll just go home and rest.”

“We’ll drive you home,” Kadota says firmly. “What if you collapse in the middle of the road?”

So they drive him home. His colour has apparently returned by the time they draw up outside his apartment.

“You owe us, Orihara,” Erica says as he gets out, but she is grinning playfully.

“Yeah...I really do. Thank you.”

-

He makes it to the end of the week.

Poking around in his fridge for some food, he finds some unfinished fatty tuna starting to go off. He decides to exorcise his apartment of everything that had once been alive, dumping it all in the chute down the hall.

_My last day alive, and I'm cleaning my fridge. Happy days._

He jumps when there's a knock on the door, but reasons that if someone was here to kill him, they probably wouldn't bother with the courtesy of knocking.

Shizuo is waiting for him. Izaya is relieved to see him until he sees the look on his face.

“You're the one that was hired to kill me.”

Something inside Izaya wilts.

“...how do you know?”

“You’re not the only one with well connected friends.”

This makes him want to laugh and laugh as he doesn’t have any friends.

 “That’s why you started sleeping with me in the first place, isn’t it?" Shizuo goes on. "To get close to me and to psych yourself up. But then you were too much of a coward to go through with it.”

Izaya opens his mouth to argue, to tell Shizuo that he was the one who warned him in the first place, but suddenly he can’t see the point. This will all be over soon anyway. He raises his shoulders, palms open.

“You’re right, Shizu-chan. You got me. What can I say - at least we had fun, no?”

He waits for Shizuo to kill him, to thrash him until he can hardly move **,** but Shizuo is looking past him into his apartment.

"What's with the boxes?"

He pushes past Izaya before he can make something up. Izaya rolls his eyes and follows him.

“You’re leaving?! How the hell could you leave without telling me?”

“Calm down, Shizuo. I’m not leaving.”

“Then how do you explain all this?”

He finds the instructions on Namie's desk as he paces around. He watches Shizuo's face change as he reads.

“I don’t get it," he says eventually. "Why are you giving everything to your sisters?”

Izaya sighs and says nothing.

“Tell me,” Shizuo says edgily. “You becoming a monk or what?”

“No."

"What then. Are you...?"

"No," Izaya says quickly, realising he’s going to have to tell him. “I'm not suicidal. I've had a death threat from the Yakuza, Shizu-chan. Tonight was my deadline to..."

"To kill me," Shizuo finishes. He is still staring at Izaya like he can't comprehend it. "So, what are you doing? Are you going into hiding for a while?"

"No," he says. “There's no point. This has come from the top. I can't do anything about it.”

"There must be something."

"It doesn't matter, Shizu-chan."

"How can you say that?"

He doesn't know when he'd grown resigned to his fate. Some time after he got what he wanted, maybe.

“I just don’t see the point,” he says, when Shizuo seems to expect some sort of response.

"..So you're just going to sit here and do nothing?"

Izaya sits down and massages his forehead. He doesn't feel like he's done nothing. He's been packing up his apartment for the last day and a half.

"You're such an idiot, Izaya-kun," Shizuo snarls suddenly, and Izaya is surprised by the aggression of it. "I'm going to talk to Tom."

Izaya laughs at this.

Shizuo slams out and leaves him.

Whatever.

-

When evening comes, Izaya has half a bottle of sake, puts on a record and goes to lie on his bed. He has several knives on his person and more hidden around the apartment. He doesn’t intend to go down without a fight.

Somewhere around midnight, he can hear someone rattling around outside his door before they manage to let themselves in. He hears them coming up the stairs. One person, not a gang. Izaya is strangely calm.

A masked man steps into the room and turns on the light.

Izaya is still lying on his bed, fully dressed, with his hands behind his head.

“Just you? Are you a ninja?” he asks hopefully. “I’ve always wanted to meet a ninja.”

The man starts tugging the balaclava off his head. Izaya sits up when he sees who it is.

“Kine??”

“Shizuo and his colleague called me."

Izaya just stares at him.

"I don't understand."

Kine tosses the balaclava on the foot of the bed.

"I waylaid the man who was supposed to come here. I wanted to see if you're taking this seriously."

"Of course I'm taking it seriously," Izaya protests, sitting up. "Didn't you see my will on the table?"

"Izaya," Kine says, exasperated. "If you'd only come to me yourself, we could have dealt with this days ago. Shiki owes me a favour."

Izaya's unable to meet his eyes.

"I...didn't think you liked me that much."

This seems to soften Kine a little. He sits down on the bed.

"You just need to limit yourself, Izaya. You know you’ve gone too far in the past.”

“Like when?”

“Akane?”

Izaya says nothing, thinking of the little girl.

“And those three high school children?” Kine persists. “The girl who ended up in a coma with her legs broken? These are the things that left a bad taste in Shiki’s mouth, Izaya. You have to stay away from children.”

“Fine,” Izaya says. “I don’t know why Shiki would be all het up over all that, it was never anything serious. But it’s fine, I won’t go near them again or do anything to minors.”

“Good," Kine says. "That's a good start point. But it's clients as well."

“I’ve never filched any of Shiki’s clients. I get my own work.”

“It’s not about that. It's when you've done work that you know is against Shiki's interests, or those he's close to. Think of them like your sisters. Some people are just off limits.”

Izaya feels a stir of unease. Why did everyone keep mentioning his sisters?

“OK,” Izaya says. “Fair enough. What else? Shiki’s not going to change his mind over just that. But I'm not leaving town and I'm not killing Shizuo.”

“You’d be surprised, Izaya. Shiki likes you. He just wants your respect. As a starting point for a negotiation, I think this is enough.”

“...And if it’s not?”

Kine looks at him steadily.

“Then you will leave town, even if I have to take you myself.”

-

Izaya has to have dinner with Shiki again. Apparently this is a good sign. This time, at least, Shiki gives him the choice of where to go.

He finds somewhere nice, but not nice enough that he’d want to bring Shizuo. It’s elegant, discreet and business-friendly, and most importantly doesn’t have any lobsters floating around in a tank.

“I notice you haven’t been fighting with that monster lately,” Shiki comments.

Izaya winces at the nickname, the one he is the source of.

“You’re still not able to kill him, I suppose.”

“No, I’m not.”

“Hm.”

"Why do you want Shizuo dead, Shiki-san?" he asks tentatively. "I didn't think he caused much trouble for you these days."

"I thought you would like the excuse," Shiki says. "Honestly Izaya, I would prefer your respect over your body."

They finish their meal in silence. Izaya's heart is thudding, unsure if he's in the clear or not.

“I owe Kine a favour, Izaya,” Shiki says eventually. “A big one. I’m going to do it for him on this occasion and call off my threat. But please keep in mind what you discussed with him. You’re a talented and intelligent man, but you’re also a dangerous one, and as of late you’ve been getting on my last nerve. So stay out of my way. Is that understood?”

“Yes, Shiki-san.”

“Good,” the other man says, relaxing. He reaches for the menu. “Shall we have dessert?”

-

Shizuo calls him when he's still in bed. He’s been calling for some time.

Izaya supposes he should be ecstatic to be alive, gulping down every breath of air and skipping in the sunlight, but he only feels cranky and worn out.

“Why have you been blowing me off?” Shizuo says, as soon as he picks up. "I've been worried about you."

"I thought Kine called you?"

"He did. But I wanted to hear your voice." He pauses. "I'm sorry I yelled at you the other day."

Izaya smiles faintly. "What are you apologising for, Shizu-chan? You saved me. You and Kine."

"Yeah, but...I probably could have saved you a lot better if I hadn't yelled at you first. You know how i get. I just saw red." He pauses. "Why didn’t you tell me what was going on?”

He shifts uncomfortably.

“Why would I? It's not like we were super cosy.”

“If I’d had a death threat from the head of the Yakuza I would have told you about it.”

“Would you, though?”

“Of course I would.”

“But how could you trust me?”

“I let you in my bed, Izaya. That sort of opened the gate.”

Izaya absorbs this in silence.

He hears Shizuo swallow after a moment.

"Are you glad?" 

"What do you mean?"

"Are you glad you're alive? You didn't really see the point in saving yourself, and you don't exactly sound over-joyed now.”

"I am, Shizu-chan, I am. I'm not suicidal. I was just...tired."

"Oh," he says. "Can I come over tonight?"

"I'll come to you," Izaya says. "I need to get out of the house."

-

He meets Shizuo by the fire escape where they'd first fucked. 

Erika and co pass them by across the street, en route for Russia Sushi. They wave at him. Cautiously, he waves back.

Shizuo raises an eyebrow.

“You friends with them now?” 

“…they’re just being friendly because Kadota’s with them,” he says vaguely.

“You look much better, Izaya-san,” Erika calls.

“Yeah, you do,” Shizuo agrees. He waits for them to leave. "Why did you want to sleep with me when all this started?" he says. He's never been one to beat around the bush. 

Izaya avoids his gaze.

"Does it matter? I just wanted to. I didn’t have the luxury of long term planning."

“Well, now you do,” Shizuo says. “So now what?”

-

“I want to fuck you,” Izaya pants, when they're naked in Shizuo's bed, and they've been there for a while. He doesn’t mean it literally, just means he wants more, but Shizuo says,

“OK, then.”

Izaya's eyes widen.

“Really? Are you sure? We don’t have to – “

“Izaya,” he says, and Izaya can hear his answer in his voice. “I want to. I want you to.”

Shizuo kisses him suddenly, their first kiss since that messy night on the fire escape, and Izaya breaks their lips as he comes violently, drinking in air instead.

Shizuo laughs gently into his hair.

"Maybe later, then."

-

He wakes around six in the morning, with Shizuo curled around him. It is his stomach that wakes him up: he is suddenly ravenous.

He goes into the kitchen and helps himself to a banana, a persimmon, before digging around for something more substantial.

Shizuo comes looking for him in his underwear, and sags with relief when he sees him.

“There you are. I thought you left.”

“Nope. Just eating half your kitchen.”

“That’s OK. It’s good to see you eat.”

They go back to bed once he's satisfied. Shizuo is not working all day, and Izaya is giving himself some time off. 

“Did you think about it?” Shizuo asks, holding his hand. “Killing me? It’s OK if you did.”

“I sort of tried to think about it, if you know what I mean. I tried to think about it logically. But I just couldn’t do it. It was like trying to think about cutting your own arm off.”

"Hmm." He lets Izaya burrow into his neck. “Your next birthday will be better, you know."

"Mm?" Izaya laughs at this. “Steady on, Shizuo. We haven’t even had _your_ birthday yet.”

“Still,” he says. “I’m just saying. It will be.”


End file.
